Love Is Both Wave and Particle by Paul Cody

Author:Paul Cody
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Roaring Brook Press

Twenty-two

Sam

Like blinking eyes and beating hearts, the hours and days and weeks went steadily by. We were in November, and I was feeling pretty darn good, and for me, that was way above average.

Levon was not so hot, at least I didn’t think so. He seemed more withdrawn, more inward, and things were roiling inside, and it was hard to tell how or why or exactly what was going on.

Though that wasn’t exactly true.

One thing he starting writing about, and it was pouring out, was his father. He started writing how he didn’t know his father, had never known his father. Had never seen him, never even seen a picture of him. He didn’t know his name, didn’t know if he was a serial rapist or killer in prison somewhere in the Midwest, for all he knew. Or was dead. Or sold insurance in California, or surfed in Australia.

From as early as he could remember, his mother had told him that he had no need to know about his father, that it would be bad for him, for Levon, and that his father would never be part of his life. She said to just block that thought, that concept—of a father—out completely, and he’d be happier and healthier.

Occasionally, over the years, he’d ask about or mention his father, and his mother would repeat her mantra. Don’t ask. Don’t go there. Once, when he was ten or eleven, he pressed her, and he said her eyes got cold, that they had a look almost of meanness behind them. As though she could get very ugly about this, and he was not going to learn anything.

And for the most part, he did block it out, didn’t think about it—at least in any conscious, deliberate way. But he’d find himself having dreams about a person he thought was his father. Sometimes he was scary and scarred and had long greasy hair and was about to do something terrible to Levon, and sometimes he was large and kindly, and they were in sunlit fields, or camping in pine woods, and cooking around a small campfire, or watching a baseball game, which was strange because he had never watched a baseball game for more than five minutes in his life.

The thing with Susan was that she was a scientist down to her toes, to the bones in her toes. She believed in facts. She hated ambiguities, and she was certain Levon needed to erase his father from his life, from their life. Case closed.

But the older he got, the more it bothered him. The not knowing. And writing this project made it even worse. Why was she so adamant? So sure? Was she ashamed of something? Afraid of something? Did she really think he would be hurt terribly by knowing who his father was, much less meeting him?

Who knows, he might have the male equivalent of a Vera for a father.

He’d turn eighteen on December 23. He’d legally be an adult. Could he file for

Download

Copyright Disclaimer:
This site does not store any files on its server. We only index and link to content provided by other sites. Please contact the content providers to delete copyright contents if any and email us, we'll remove relevant links or contents immediately.